Here one second, gone the next…

I was walking through the house, minding my own business really, with my mind on work since I am working from home today. I needed to go (if you know what I mean) so I set my laptop down and headed to the master bedroom. I should have noticed something was wrong; I mean the house was slightly tilting to one side. I should have noticed the silence; the kind of silence you hear when something BIG is about to happen. I should have noticed these things but as I stated, my mind was on other things.

I was about to walk through the bedroom door when I saw him. He was big, brown and ugly and he was staring right at me. And by big, I mean he was HUGE folks, which explains the house tilt I mentioned above. Everything started happening in slow motion at that point. The leg that was raised in the air to make the next step immediately changed directions forcing my hip and back into positions I didn't know it could achieve. The body started heading in the opposite direction, not necessarily with all body parts changing direction at the same time or changing to the same direction! The scream that started from somewhere or someone because it doesn't sound like anything that would come out of me, got louder and louder giving my lungs a good workout on how long they can go on without a fresh breath of air. Luckily other bodily functions stayed where they were but I can tell you, it was touchy there for a minute.

While all this is going on, the big, brown, ugly, staring right at me creature was coming for me. As fast as he could go he was heading straight for my one foot that was still planted firmly on the floor. Did I mention that I was barefoot? Bad move on my part, wearing no shoes. I will definitely have to do better on that one. But I digress. Just as he was getting to my foot, I found I had learned how to fly since both feet were in the air and somehow I was levitated about six inches off the floor. Uh-oh. The levitation part was the very short period of time when something (or someone) has gone up as far as it can go and is now starting to descend downward, back to its original starting point. Uh-oh again.

This creature was obviously also a quick learner because much to my horror, he had learned how to fly as well. Instead of running across my foot after I landed right in front of him, (shudder), he flew higher and flew smack dab into my leg. At this point, let me give thanks for the fact that I had on jeans. If I had changed into shorts and went to the gym this morning, things would have turned out differently. So let me get in one huge point for NOT going to the gym this morning. However, I digress again.

The force of him hitting my leg did absolutely nothing to him but it did help me learn to fly even higher, scream even louder and my heart to reach a rate that before now has been totally unknown to man. As he bounced off my leg, he immediately flew/ran/crawled/whatever, under the dresser. I immediately went to the other side of the house and stayed there until my heart rate had slowed enough for me to think coherently. When I ventured back toward the bedroom door, he was nowhere to be found. I can't say I've looked for him very thoroughly. I mean how thorough can you be from the other side of the house? My main clue that he is now gone is that the house is no longer tilting.

But he'll be back, which is my main reason for this post. I need some help/advise/a good swift kick in the pants/or better yet, an exterminator! Oh wait, I have one of those. These creatures that I call (well I can't say here or I'll be censored), some call cockroaches or water bugs, have been showing up in my house lately; mocking me because they can sense my fear like a horse can sense the fear of its rider. The before mentioned exterminator says it's the weather causing them to come in, or maybe the dryness, or the rain. What rain? Which one is it and whichever one it is, do something about it!

Regardless of what it is, I cannot live with these things! I am a reasonably strong woman; I can take care of myself in most situations or in all situations if I really had to. I can go toe-to-toe with the best of them on whatever subject you want to bring up, but these roaches have got my number. It started when I was a little girl…well, I won't bore you with the details. I'll just say it involved playing dress up, mama's high heels, small foot squished into the toe of the high heel along with a visitor who was making his home in the shoe until I put my foot in there. He wasn't happy with me either so he put up quite a fuss. 50+ years later, they're still putting up a fuss. They know. They know that I'm that little girl who caused one of their own to come to an untimely end to its life. They know and they've told the umpteen million others in their species. They have a plan to torment me slowly until I… Well, I don't know until I what but I do know that history tells me they'll be here long after I'm gone, so I have to learn to live with them. Not sure how that's going to happen, but I'll take it one day at a time, one incident at a time, one flying lesson at a time.

Oh, and let me point out for those of you reading this who also keep a count of my weekly cardio workouts, this counts as one!

I did it! Well, almost….

If you've read any of my previous postings, you know that I took a cycle class on July 4. It was not the easiest thing I have ever done but I survived it. Today is September 13 and I took another one. July 4 to September 13….hmmm….that's over two months! How many cycle classes have there been in those two months? How many missed opportunities to get on a first name basis with Mr. Cardio? I could give you all the reasons I haven't attended one since July 4; things like business travel, personal vacation, visiting family, running errands, sleeping late, valuing my life. Yea, I could give you all those reasons and some of them are valid but really, I had to psych myself up to go back. It did take a while.

Regardless of the reasons for missing the last two months, I was there today. I had a better attitude about the whole thing since I'd been there before. I knew that I almost died last time but I have worked on my cardiovascular health since then, so my plan today was to ace this class. I was going to do everything she instructed us to do. Yep, today I was going to kick butt!

We started the class on time with Ms. Janet bouncing up on her bike after doing a zillion pushups as part of her morning exercise routine. I know also that she ran over 5 miles this week and her legs were killing her, but I didn't see any of that this morning. What I did hear was her lamenting that she had gained some weight this week and she planned to get a good start on getting rid of it right here in this class. Oh crap. This is not going to be fun. I mean, jeez, I didn't gain the weight – she did. Why should I have to…? Whatever, by this time she is turning up the resistance in our "warm-up" routine again.

I know that I did much better in this class because we were several minutes into the class before I started looking for the clock. Clock? What clock? There is no clock on the wall! Where is it? I can't let go of these handlebars to check my watch because I'll fall right off in a heap on the floor so I casually started checking all the walls to see which one they hid the clock on. After checking them all including the one behind me (which was a feat in itself when you're pedaling a zillion miles an hour on an exercise bike) and still there was no clock. Hmm…seeing as I know Ms. Janet read my previous blog, I wonder if this clock moving thing was planned. Whatever! I finally got a peek at my watch and saw we were 35 minutes into the class. Yahoo! I can do this! Who cares what time it is? Well evidently Ms. Janet does because that wall clock is laying on the floor right beside her! The nerve!

Back to the class though; I was doing ok. I was doing what she said. I stood up when she said, sat down when she said, did sprints when she said, turned up the resistance when she said. Which reminds me – how much is enough? She says "turn it up some. Turn it up where you can feel it." Ok, I can do that. "Now turn it up some more." Hmmm, I know how much you turn it is different for each person so for me, does that mean turn it multiple times, or only one turn, or a half turn or a quarter turn or an eighth turn or just simply touch the dial? I can answer that for you. It means you turn it more in the start of the class than you do 35 minutes into the class!

This is about the time of the class I started to struggle. All the standing and hill climbing and sprints had my right knee talking to me not to mention my breakfast threatening me again. I hated to do it but I sat down early on one of the marathon "aerodynamic" thingies she kept putting us through. Darn! I really hated to do that. But the knee kept saying "Nope, I've had enough" and flaking out on me. Janet did give me some pointers on that after class. Something about not having the resistance turned up enough. Hmm…I guess my "turn it up some" wasn't enough after all.

I had another major problem this morning as well. Have you ridden a bike much? I think the bike seat was invented by someone with a very sick sense of humor. I had borrowed a gel seat but after about 5 minutes you can't really tell that thing is on there. Ouch! I kept adjusting but after a while, there wasn't a spot to move to that wasn't screaming at me. During one part, she had us alternate sitting up straight (ouch) and leaning forward (double ouch). I'm doing all this to keep my rear end from being huge but at this point I'm thinking more padding back there would help!

She's asking us if we're having fun now. Some people in the class are yelling "Woohoo" and "Yes" and just yelling for the fun of it. Some people in the class are just moaning. Some are begging and some are very quiet. I was one of the quiet ones. I mean, it's taking all the strength I have to stay on this bike. Who the heck has enough energy to start yelling and carrying on? I mean come on! However the ones yelling do seem to be enjoying themselves.

After one very intensive part, she asks us if we got that sick feeling. Oh yea! Me too she says. Huh? I thought being this close to puking in an exercise class was only experienced by newbies like me. Evidently it's a good thing to make someone (almost) lose their breakfast in these classes. I am exaggerating of course but I did learn that you can push yourself to that point and it not be a bad thing. Hmm…I'll have to think on that one.

By this time we are telling her she's lost that weight she gained but she's not convinced. We're heading into the final few minutes of the class. I see that most people are still keeping up, some are moderating her instructions some (that was me) and some have stopped altogether. I did finish the class and I was not dead afterwards. My legs were wobbly and have since started talking to me every time I move but I made it. I learned some things in class today: (1) more resistance helps support your body when standing and pedaling thus taking some of the work off your legs (and my right knee) so next time I will "turn it up some more" for sure! (2) One of the ladies in the class says yelling gives her extra energy. It releases endorphins or something like that. Ok, I will try that too. (3) I learned that I can really do this. I can take this cycle class and not die. I gave myself a "D" for at least completing the July 4 class. Today I get a C or a B+ at best. But that's a lot of improvement! And there was over two months between them. Imagine what I can do if I go on a regular basis!

Janet is teaching again next Saturday. Do I dare? Heck yea, why not? I want an A in cycle class!

Lead by Example

In earlier blog postings I’ve mentioned the fact that I have a reputation. At work, with my family, with my friends - I have a reputation. It is however a reputation that I am very proud of. It is a reputation of healthy eating. I am working hard to change it though. I want it to be a reputation of clean eating. That's even better.

Of course, a certain level of responsibility comes with that reputation. That is the responsibility to help others achieve a healthier lifestyle without being too pushy. If I’m asked questions, I’ll answer them but I rarely just offer up comments on what someone is doing or eating. The most frequent question I get though comes when I’m eating out with a group. Someone just about always asks me what is the right thing to order but then someone also makes fun of the way I order. I posted earlier that I am known as the one who orders special so some take bets on how many things I’ll change from the normal menu order. To each his own. I’m glad I can provide them some entertainment.

I’ve wondered at times if any of this sinks in with these people. I figured it doesn’t since they ask over and over what they should order. Now let me also point out that asking what they should order and actually ordering it instead of the chicken fingers and fries is two different things. However, this week I had an occasion to realize that some really are asking because they want to know; because they want to make healthier decisions about what they eat. Let me tell you what happened.

Those of you who know me know that I just returned from a great vacation. This is the one vacation I take every year where I leave all my work here. I forget it all, relax and have fun.

The only problem with this is that it takes a few days to remember everything after I return. I can look back through my emails, my previous meeting notes, even get an update from a coworker; it still takes a while. Even ordering a meal from an often frequented restaurant takes a minute. You know how it is. You order “the usual.” And “the usual” can differ from restaurant to restaurant.

This happened to me this week. It was day 3 of work since returning from vacation. A coworker and I were at a restaurant we frequent at least once a month, often times more. We’re there so much that the waitress walked up, stated that she knew we didn’t need menus, and proceeded to take our order. Of course being a Southern gentlemen, he waited to let me order first. I had no clue. I could not remember a thing except that they had these gosh awful, wonderfully tasting chili dogs called Godzilla Dogs. These things are so big you have to eat them with a fork.

No, I did not order that. I asked him to order first and said I’d wait to see what he ordered and maybe make it a double. Keep in mind that we had had no conversations previously about what to order. He very quickly ordered a Peppercorn Chicken burger (grilled chicken patty) on a wheat bun, no mayo, meat & lf cheese only, with a side of black beans, no rice. Oh, and unsweet tea. I could have hugged his neck. He did listen! I made it a double and had a very enjoyable lunch.

Lead by Example - Talk the Talk - Walk the Walk. People do notice. It does the heart good, in more ways than one.